Sponsor tells me to reverse directions on panel

So I was told that I could have no panels (that is where I speak to people in mental health inpatient facilities) by myself. I was told today by my sponsor that it was vain of me to deny the right of others to speak on the three panels that I have. He stated that I need to go out of my way including up to calling people randomly off a list of approved speakers to speak with me. The main panel that I do is done in such way that I can get either home quickly by 8:30 PM or get to my regularly scheduled AA meeting by 8:15 PM. He emphasized the importance that I really need to get people to speak with me even though I have the sole ability to do the panel alone and I usually get done early so the patients can get back their rec time. The main reason is why I do not get people is that the bulk of my speakers that I know are either busy with their own panels or live down in the Costa Mesa when my panels are all the way in Orange. Also, I was critiqued to carry the panel alone just based on my public speaking skills. Most people get people to do panels because they do not have the public speaking skills like I do or have a lot of friends who will do the panel with them. In my case, most of the people in Santa Ana area which would be my designated speakers are already busy. Oh well, I guess I just do what he says even though I do not like it.

The Consequences of the Past

I saw some pictures of wedding of some friends and I stated “Why cannot be there?” But then I stated to myself. I did not have the vacation time that I would probably used for Wasteland Weekend or Decom. And even I knew the people and saw them quite a bit, I just did not spend the one on one time with them like certain other people. I threw about five good years down the drain by the consequences of constant relapse in 2011 and 2012 and it took me three years to recover from it now. A lot of friendship time was lost in those years and my ability to see people has decrease dramatically during that time. It is the essence of the long-term damage that addiction does to you and how it impacts relationships. I have to take the responsibility of what happened during 2011 and 2012 and the lost time that I could used by building relationships with others instead of trying to rebuild my own life because of my own mistakes. I also have spent a lot less time working on social skills instead of focusing on my recovery and rebuilding my career. But in the essence of things, it has resulted in tangible results in my own life. So I can be grateful for things that I have and the life that I live today.

My own Thoughts on Why I am not a Conservative

I just had a though that if I am frugal with my own money than why I would not want the government to be frugal with other’s people money. Therefore, I should oppose want taxes and want lower government spending. But yet, I want high taxes and moderately high spending (as long the debt level is sustainable). I guess that is desire to have a government-imposed social safety net such as (food stamps and unemployment insurance that last up to 73 weeks if you cannot land job and investment in infrastruture such as public transit and roads without potholes (I cannot stand broken roads with potholes) . I also cannot stand casino capitalism without a passion and want those sectors heavily regulated. In the end, it is probably my lack of high risk tolerance for failure that prefers a well-funded government that has a social safety net than have more money to bet on running own business or making money off high-risk investments even that I do possess the level of understanding to require to play in high-stakes investments. I also have a lower tolerance for income inequality than other people do so therefore, it is hard for me to support policies that would allow others to have a chance at making at higher level of wealth without having more regulations or pay higher taxes that would impede their ability to do so.

I should be a conservative but I have made a logical case why I am big government liberal instead of a conservative that favors conservative causes