Posts filed under ‘Life’

Guns: A Personal View Based on CNN Comment on Youtube at Jason Bourne Movie

viewed this quote while watching a CNN video on Matt Damon’s new movie. The commenter states – “So tough yet he doesn’t believe in our 2nd amendment. He can watch the movie by himself.”. The reality struck me that I almost agree with 100% on Matt Damon’s view on guns. However, I was raised in a liberal household in a suburban area with parents who worked in education. My parents did not own guns and were never gun enthusiasts. Therefore, it is much easier for me to for gun control laws than the commenter is. However, I probably need to understand that commenter probably has a conservative view of the world and a strong view of personal liberty where a personal liberty is often defined by the ability to own any firearm that is permitted by law. I might not like that view, but i have to take into perspective that other people put so much emotional attachment into a symbolic ability to own firearms especially high-powered firearms. It is hard for a lot of people to learn that by not owning such high-power weapons that you are actually saving lives and not letting those weapons be sold in the marketplace and eventually to placed in the hands of criminals. Freedom to the own these weapons is more important for having sense of personal liberty and individual ruggedness than any potential impact in saving lives in some mass shooting.
Well, I can understand these people viewpoints but I respectfully disagree with them

July 27, 2016 at 10:59 pm Leave a comment

Sponsor tells me to reverse directions on panel

So I was told that I could have no panels (that is where I speak to people in mental health inpatient facilities) by myself. I was told today by my sponsor that it was vain of me to deny the right of others to speak on the three panels that I have. He stated that I need to go out of my way including up to calling people randomly off a list of approved speakers to speak with me. The main panel that I do is done in such way that I can get either home quickly by 8:30 PM or get to my regularly scheduled AA meeting by 8:15 PM. He emphasized the importance that I really need to get people to speak with me even though I have the sole ability to do the panel alone and I usually get done early so the patients can get back their rec time. The main reason is why I do not get people is that the bulk of my speakers that I know are either busy with their own panels or live down in the Costa Mesa when my panels are all the way in Orange. Also, I was critiqued to carry the panel alone just based on my public speaking skills. Most people get people to do panels because they do not have the public speaking skills like I do or have a lot of friends who will do the panel with them. In my case, most of the people in Santa Ana area which would be my designated speakers are already busy. Oh well, I guess I just do what he says even though I do not like it.

June 30, 2016 at 1:48 am Leave a comment

The Consequences of the Past

I saw some pictures of wedding of some friends and I stated “Why cannot be there?” But then I stated to myself. I did not have the vacation time that I would probably used for Wasteland Weekend or Decom. And even I knew the people and saw them quite a bit, I just did not spend the one on one time with them like certain other people. I threw about five good years down the drain by the consequences of constant relapse in 2011 and 2012 and it took me three years to recover from it now. A lot of friendship time was lost in those years and my ability to see people has decrease dramatically during that time. It is the essence of the long-term damage that addiction does to you and how it impacts relationships. I have to take the responsibility of what happened during 2011 and 2012 and the lost time that I could used by building relationships with others instead of trying to rebuild my own life because of my own mistakes. I also have spent a lot less time working on social skills instead of focusing on my recovery and rebuilding my career. But in the essence of things, it has resulted in tangible results in my own life. So I can be grateful for things that I have and the life that I live today.

June 28, 2016 at 1:25 pm Leave a comment

Phone Interview Notes

Spoke with interviewer about a position today:

  • The phone call was kind of awkard.  The person did not ask me a lot of question about my position
  • He was very curious why I left my job of ten years.  Instead of trying to cover up the reason, I just tell the truth now understanding that I have turned my life around since then especially having two years clean
  • Having two jobs at one time was the most difficult thing to explain to the interviewer.  In reality, I want to leave the job immediately to a get a full-time position.  But the interviewer could not really understand the advantages of the Level-Up Academy and what it is potential impact
  • Again this was a brief phone screen, but sometimes phone screens can be quite awkard at times and you could be thrown into situation that you do not know how to prepare for.

March 4, 2015 at 1:02 am Leave a comment

Two Observations About Last Night

1. I found out that I still introverted around people. I tend to get social at the beginning of the event where there is less people and especially less noise. When the amount of noise increases, I feel that I have to talk over people and it is hard to listen to people. In really crowded environment, it would be difficult to deal with this and I would have to go home. Last night, it was less crowded venue so it was easier to talk to people. However, I think the amount of loud noise made me uncomfortable and therefore, I turned to my phone as a safety device where I can hide without having to talking to people. I think the crowd last night was not my usual group of friends so I felt slightly less comfortable than I normally do. There was people that I knew, but I still was a little bit too introverted and avoided talking to a lot of people who were there.
2. I tend to talk about myself too much without trying to get know more about other individual. I typically insert myself as the subject of the conversation instead of trying to ask more questions about myself. This is real problem that I have by trying to control the conversation because I have the fear of the conservation going dead if I let other people talk. Usually, this is a major problem because I have autism, I fear that people do not want to open to me or fear the conservation goes dead so my solution is try to control the conversation. Even if I am talking to another person about themselves, I am still controlling the conversation because I am asking the person questions that I am specifically interested in. This is still real problem needs some work

March 1, 2015 at 6:12 pm Leave a comment

Dealing Life in Recovery

Right now, I feel that my life is headed into place of limbo.  Like that type of limbo. Limbo is defined as state of an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition..  My life is limbo because my next career moves are in the unknown

For the last one and half months, I had enrolled my in a vocational training program.  The vocational training program is supposed to teach me soft skills.  Where this program leads me is the great unknown.  For the last several months, I have been looking, looking, and looking for the right opportunity.  Few opportunities arose.  Temporary jobs have been offered and I am awaiting the results of my CTEC test and work with local tax preparer.

Yet, the sense of a permanent position eludes me.  Working full-time for any employer for more than six months eludes me. I might have to start at the bottom again.  It is not starting at the bottom that worries me, but the pending sense of the economic crises that makes me worry.  So what I am worried about is that the global economic system is headed towards a massive depression and all of this hard word will poof and disappear.\

Yet that fear looms in many people today.  But trying to prevent a massive economic crises that is the fault of the worlds elite is something we cannot prevent. Or could prevent if we had the willpower to launch a massive protest movement that the US has never seen.  But us in the US just do not have that abillity.

So the best thing is to take one day at a time as they state in recovery literture.

Which is sometimes painful when you are worrying about the future and a  sense a limbo does not offer hope.  But limbo is something that the steps and programs teaches you to deal with.

December 27, 2014 at 10:15 pm Leave a comment

Personal Plan to Deal With Random Websurfing Addiction

Today was another day where I got lost on the internet.  I got lost on the internet even though I watched TV, went exercising, and took the dog off.  The reality is that when I have idle time (not time with friends), the Internet is more stimulating to my autistic mind.

It sucks that I have to be lost in the internet all day long. I could have been so much more productive but the problem is that it I really want a support group to help me to deal with my internet addiction or better yet, to really cut down my random websurfing.  Random websurfing is really my problem because I get to the news really quickly but just glancing on local new website very quickly and go.

I think part of the problem is that my life is stuck in holding place by my training program.  I think that there is a lot of things that I want to do, but I do not had to priortize my goals in my spare time.  Essentially, what I need to do each day is to write “Internet Plan” is to list all of the websites that I visit and what times that I do it at. Once the list is completed, I will have to do other things than engage in random websurfing.  What I have to do is to see how much that I want to get done on the internet during the day, how much idle time that I have, is there any TV shows of interests that I want to watch, and then put the listing of sites on to Google Drive and then cross them off when I completed. I could spend six hours on the Internet, but I know all of the sites that I am going to visit and how much time I spend on them.

December 7, 2014 at 6:28 am Leave a comment

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