Two Observations About Last Night

1. I found out that I still introverted around people. I tend to get social at the beginning of the event where there is less people and especially less noise. When the amount of noise increases, I feel that I have to talk over people and it is hard to listen to people. In really crowded environment, it would be difficult to deal with this and I would have to go home. Last night, it was less crowded venue so it was easier to talk to people. However, I think the amount of loud noise made me uncomfortable and therefore, I turned to my phone as a safety device where I can hide without having to talking to people. I think the crowd last night was not my usual group of friends so I felt slightly less comfortable than I normally do. There was people that I knew, but I still was a little bit too introverted and avoided talking to a lot of people who were there.
2. I tend to talk about myself too much without trying to get know more about other individual. I typically insert myself as the subject of the conversation instead of trying to ask more questions about myself. This is real problem that I have by trying to control the conversation because I have the fear of the conservation going dead if I let other people talk. Usually, this is a major problem because I have autism, I fear that people do not want to open to me or fear the conservation goes dead so my solution is try to control the conversation. Even if I am talking to another person about themselves, I am still controlling the conversation because I am asking the person questions that I am specifically interested in. This is still real problem needs some work

Self-Seclusion

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved.  For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.  It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
 
Self-seclusion is never a good thing.  However, I have been the master of self-seclusion.  Self-seclusion often occurs in my life because I feel sometimes that nobody accepts me.

I just sit in my big house and pout about how bad things are.   I really pouting because no one is commenting on my facebook or that I did not get a personal invivation  to a party that I allow to attend.

It is these waves of self-pity that go in on my soul. I pretend that no one loves me or nobody respects me. 

It is me that has the problem.   It is because I crave attention and when no attention is paid to me, I get upset.  I feel emotionally insecure.

It is selflish feeling.  Selfish feelings often lead to despair.  So when I get into self-despair, I need to recite this prayer.

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved.  For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.  It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

That ends the selfish streak.  Now, it is time for me to go the event and focus on others.  Focus on others feelings, lives, and interests.  To relieve myself of this burden called self takes a lifetime.

Rejection And Dating

I am trying to look whether some girl at a meeting is single because it save me the embrassment of trying to ask her out on a coffee date. But my attempt to find that information was not successful. I doubt that she is going to say “Yes”, but it is always worth a try because you cannot live in a fear forever.

One of the lessons in life is that rejection is a natural part of life and not let rejection ruin your serenity and happiness.

Bars are difficult

So some hot girls came up to me. I tried to make some conservation with them. Navigating the bar scene is actually far easier being sober.

What makes a bar scene difficult is the amount of “noise” in a bar. In my case, all social skills are learned by intellect because I have autism. Bars are the worst place to meet people, too confusing to under for me to read all of the verbals and nonverbals, and I do not drink by choice. I love to party but bars are a place that I avoid unless I am going with close friends. It seems that I do not get tempted to relapse.

Lobster and Eating Out

I saw lobster being sold at 62.00 a plate. The one thing that I hope never happens is that a potential date does not ask for lobster on a date. If a girl you have dated for only a few times asks for lobster on a dinner datę, my bets that she is a golddigger.