Posts filed under ‘recovery’

Sponsor tells me to reverse directions on panel

So I was told that I could have no panels (that is where I speak to people in mental health inpatient facilities) by myself. I was told today by my sponsor that it was vain of me to deny the right of others to speak on the three panels that I have. He stated that I need to go out of my way including up to calling people randomly off a list of approved speakers to speak with me. The main panel that I do is done in such way that I can get either home quickly by 8:30 PM or get to my regularly scheduled AA meeting by 8:15 PM. He emphasized the importance that I really need to get people to speak with me even though I have the sole ability to do the panel alone and I usually get done early so the patients can get back their rec time. The main reason is why I do not get people is that the bulk of my speakers that I know are either busy with their own panels or live down in the Costa Mesa when my panels are all the way in Orange. Also, I was critiqued to carry the panel alone just based on my public speaking skills. Most people get people to do panels because they do not have the public speaking skills like I do or have a lot of friends who will do the panel with them. In my case, most of the people in Santa Ana area which would be my designated speakers are already busy. Oh well, I guess I just do what he says even though I do not like it.

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June 30, 2016 at 1:48 am Leave a comment

This Is What Meth Does To You

So I found out on KTLA (http://ktla.com/2015/01/01/pregnant-mother-arrested-in-norcal-after-baby-dies-of-meth-poisoning/)

” Northern California woman was arrested this week in connection with the death of her 2-month old baby, who died of acute methamphetamine poisoning, police said Tuesday.

The two-month old infant passed away in June at a hospital after experiencing symptoms including choking and difficulty breathing, according to a news release from the Fairfield Police Department.

An investigation began the following month after the infant’s cause of death was determined.

During the course of the investigation, Fairfield police identified the mother as 21-year-old Shelby Frederick, and determined that she had full care and custody of the child, the release stated.

Frederick, who is five months pregnant, was detained on Dec. 30. She was subsequently arrested and booked into Solano County Jail on a charge of assault of a child causing death, according to the release.

This is insanity of drug addiction. Drugs make you insane and make your life permanently unmanageable. Unfortunately, for this woman, it is life sentence for efforts because she failed to deal with addiction

January 2, 2015 at 1:31 am Leave a comment

Dealing Life in Recovery

Right now, I feel that my life is headed into place of limbo.  Like that type of limbo. Limbo is defined as state of an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition..  My life is limbo because my next career moves are in the unknown

For the last one and half months, I had enrolled my in a vocational training program.  The vocational training program is supposed to teach me soft skills.  Where this program leads me is the great unknown.  For the last several months, I have been looking, looking, and looking for the right opportunity.  Few opportunities arose.  Temporary jobs have been offered and I am awaiting the results of my CTEC test and work with local tax preparer.

Yet, the sense of a permanent position eludes me.  Working full-time for any employer for more than six months eludes me. I might have to start at the bottom again.  It is not starting at the bottom that worries me, but the pending sense of the economic crises that makes me worry.  So what I am worried about is that the global economic system is headed towards a massive depression and all of this hard word will poof and disappear.\

Yet that fear looms in many people today.  But trying to prevent a massive economic crises that is the fault of the worlds elite is something we cannot prevent. Or could prevent if we had the willpower to launch a massive protest movement that the US has never seen.  But us in the US just do not have that abillity.

So the best thing is to take one day at a time as they state in recovery literture.

Which is sometimes painful when you are worrying about the future and a  sense a limbo does not offer hope.  But limbo is something that the steps and programs teaches you to deal with.

December 27, 2014 at 10:15 pm Leave a comment

Internet Addiction Scoreing TEst

I just took an Internet addiction test which states that I am heavy user of the Internet.  Even though, I am a heavy user of the internet: mitigating factors include (i) desire to socialize with friends over spending time on the internet, (ii) frequent physical exercise takes priority over internet use, (iii) AA meetings takes priority over internet use, (iv) homework takes priority over internet use.   However, it is hard for me to curb my usage when asked to or engage in alternative activities.  What this tells me is that the Internet is my number one priority when I have idle time, but other healthy activities take priority over the internet.   I think part of the problem is that (i) I have to share TV with other people and (ii) feeling overwhelmed by the selection of books to read which makes it difficult for me to start a reading habit.

December 4, 2014 at 2:37 am Leave a comment

Self-Seclusion

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved.  For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.  It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
 
Self-seclusion is never a good thing.  However, I have been the master of self-seclusion.  Self-seclusion often occurs in my life because I feel sometimes that nobody accepts me.

I just sit in my big house and pout about how bad things are.   I really pouting because no one is commenting on my facebook or that I did not get a personal invivation  to a party that I allow to attend.

It is these waves of self-pity that go in on my soul. I pretend that no one loves me or nobody respects me. 

It is me that has the problem.   It is because I crave attention and when no attention is paid to me, I get upset.  I feel emotionally insecure.

It is selflish feeling.  Selfish feelings often lead to despair.  So when I get into self-despair, I need to recite this prayer.

“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved.  For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.  It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

That ends the selfish streak.  Now, it is time for me to go the event and focus on others.  Focus on others feelings, lives, and interests.  To relieve myself of this burden called self takes a lifetime.

October 9, 2010 at 11:38 pm Leave a comment

24 Years

A guy took a 24 year chip in the program

My comment:Why can’t I do this? It is possible if I do it one day at time.

February 9, 2010 at 4:36 am Leave a comment

Sober Thought Of The Day

“Most people feel more secure on the twenty-four-hour basis than they do in the resolution that they will never drink again. Most of them have broken too many resolutions. It’s really a matter of personal choice; every A.A. has the privilege of interpreting the program as he likes.

“Personally, 1 take the attitude that I intend never to drink again. This is somewhat different from saying, ‘I will never drink again.’ The latter attitude sometimes gets people in trouble because it is undertaking on a personal basis to do what we alcoholics never could do. It is too much an act of will and leaves too little room for the idea that God will release us from the drink obsession provided we follow the A.A. program.”

January 17, 2010 at 5:24 am Leave a comment

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