Superficial Relationships

November 25, 2017 at 3:00 am Leave a comment

One thing that I noticed at the convention is my desire to be around people.  But I would rather remain quiet. I think the real problem is that I do not develop a strategy to try to take steps to increase my friendships.  I always do not be labeled as a pest or hang-oner.  I have no problem saying hello or having a shallow conversations.  
Yet, deeper friendships are harder.  Like at the NA convention tonight.  Given the number of people that I know in the OC area, I should have gotten an ride.  But my relationship with all 100+ plus people that I know would be considered to be shallow and superfuicial.  This is done partly by me by being distance and not getting people’s telephone number because I would rather be absorbed on social media during my 2.5 hours commute to Pasadena. (The only reason why I have not moved is that one of my roommates is like a second mother to me and you just cannot replace that with a random roommate on a Craigslist, I 
I am also finding out that these people in OC that I count on to be my friends are much shallower relationships compared to the Burner relationships.  With the Burner group, at least, those relationships are signficantly deeper and have extended over time.  
Part of the problem is my stubborness to get a car. Part of it is that I reluantance to take the risk to call these people and engage in a conversation.  
Maybe, I do not understand friendships that well and how they form. I just take that process for granted.  Any relationship that I have built over time comes through face to face contact at a group event and than it is based on how much time that I have seen you.   I just would rather hide in social media than engage in uncomfortable conversation with somebody on the phone.  Even in the cases when I am on the phone, I usually time the conversation to the length based on how comfortable that I am with the individual.
Now face-to-face, I do much better.   I have been able to engage very well on one on one conversation a lot better with people recently.  But it is still the ten pound phone and desire to hide on social media than face that uncomfortable conversation and interrupting somebody especially when I am busy.
The reality is that I should have zero-tolerance with my bullshit excuses about calling people and realize  that social connections is most likely how I am going to land my next job.
At least at this event, I just need to connect with people and let the magic happen even though these are supefucial relationships. Moving to LA would force me to change everything because it is between me and the bottle if I do not make friends up there.  Living in OC allows me comfortable to hide and be alone because I can rely on that roommate, or my sponsor, or my mom when the times bad.  I do not need to turn these supefuical relationships in NA to find friends, but up in LA, that no longer becomes a choice.   
The superfucial relationships will continue to happen in OC due to very lengthy commute that I have.  My commute and need for exercise prevents me from attending a lot of the meetings that I would normally go during the week. Also, another committment prevents me go to another meeting where I could maintain my commute and still have close connections to few friends that live down there.
Unfortunately, neither scenarios are going to happen and I am ultimately going to face the CPA exam again. There is no way that I am going to advance professionally until that exam is passed.  I like the company that I work form but I cannot remain there forever with my skillset and the CPA only validates that.
Anyways, I guess I just listen to the speaker tonight and let go and let live.

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

COmputer Problems Moving Out of the Golden State

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