From Random Websurfing to Reading Novels

February 11, 2014 at 6:18 am Leave a comment

One of the most difficult changes that I have to make in my life is to change my pattern of internet web surfing.  It is very hard because I have the urge to engage in internet websurfing for a long time. 

I love to surf the internet because there is so much information is out there. I like to spend my time on learning more about America’s criminal justice or spend a lot of time learning about what is going on the world today.

However, my ADHD has seemed to force me to change my habits.  I can no longer engage in random websurfing for the fun.  Like a good drug, all things must come to an end.

Like the drug, random websurfing for me is something that I like to do for hours upon end.  No particular objective, just surf the internet to my own’s heart content.  However, working step six in AA has forced me to do

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”

And step seven states

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

Notice the word what shortcoming means. It means humbly asking my higher power to remove my shortcomings.  Removing my shortcoming of random websurfing is a difficult task especially with somebody who loves to do so.

The 12&12 further describes this issue as

“In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We
had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. Quite char-acteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the ends with the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of our material desires as the means by which we could live and function as human beings, we had taken these satisfactions to be the final end and aim of life”

For me, the goal is start to watch more television, but the real goal is to start for me to read an extensive amount of fiction and nonfiction.  The television is really just a bridge for me to learn how to get passionate about reading and have the reading replace the random websurfing.  This has been the goal of my parents and therapists for years, but I have resisted because of my stubbornness. 

Since I am on step six and step seven right now, I have to take contrary action in this area and learn how to relax like everybody else does. That is a major challenge and is considered to be contrary action.

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