Discover About Having Fear of Oneself

June 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm Leave a comment

Being alone for a long periods of time makes me scared.  Especially when my dog and my parents are gone on a long vacation has gotten me feel alone. 

The fear is especially present when I am in my house for hours.  In the past, I spend hours on the Internet and my parents being gone was not an issue.   I was just spent time alone on the Internet and look my news stories for hours.  I felt lonely at those times, but my OCD with the news helped block out my loneliness.

Now, this problem has became the opposite problem. I cannot spend all day by myself in my house.  My house now becomes a prison where I am locked up like a prisoner. 

The main problem is that I do not have engrossing hobbies that keep me engrossed so I do not need to deal with my feeling of loneliness.   And being the internet all day in the house began to fail.   I just cannot no longer be engrossed on the Internet for hours on end and not feel alone.

So far, the best method to deal with loneliness is go to Starbucks and sit Starbucks for an hour doing stepwork or planning my first hike with the Sierra Club.  It still does not prevent the loneliness, but it creates enough of a break in the day where I can escape the loneliness.

I think the ultimate escape for the loneliness is to engage in one strenous all day hike per weekend when I am not out of town.    Other habits is going to movies to see a movie or walking around on the beach.    My main problem is that I just need to apply myself to doing it.  

Ironically, I do not get lonely at night.   I normally go to meeting or spend times with friends so I am never alone and I have people to talk to you. 

It is just the afternoon period where I get very lonely and it has now created enough of an unpleasant feeling where I want to take action on it.

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